So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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