Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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