Well douche your snatch and let's go!
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
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