Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
