Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
