Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
