um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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