What did we do last night that was yellow?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
