Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You were trust falling into bushes
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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