i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
