Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
