fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
