Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
