C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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