On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
