whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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