and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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