I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
