My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
