remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
