Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
