So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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