I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize