I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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