I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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