Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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