I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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