it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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