just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
