I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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