Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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