remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
