WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
