Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i came on her dog
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
