don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
