I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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