all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
