One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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