I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
