There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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