I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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