I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
