am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize