And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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