I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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