i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
