Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
