I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
