I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
