Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
