UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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