doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
