if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
