is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
