I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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