You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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