guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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