I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize