Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
