you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
