We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
