You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I need a beard to bite.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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