i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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