I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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