Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
