i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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