Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
