Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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