No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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