recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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