i think my mom watched the whole time
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
