so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
