I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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