i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Randomize
