im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
