I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still dying that you shit outside
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
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